Introduction
I want to take a moment to thank the viewer who asked me to discuss this topic in a comment under one of my YouTube videos. Bullying is something I detest. Unfortunately, it’s an issue we encounter in various social structures. While it’s unrealistic to think we can completely eradicate bullying, the question arises: Is there something we can do to minimize our chances of being targeted?
Defining Bullying and Favoritism
Let's start by defining bullying. According to Oxford Languages, bullying is defined as “seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable.” Similarly, Merriam-Webster defines favoritism as “the state or fact of being a favorite.” Reflecting on my own experience in boarding school, I find myself wondering: did bullying or favoritism take place?
The Reality: Both Occurred
In my boarding school experience, I saw both bullying and favoritism in action. At times, I witnessed seniors misusing their power to intimidate others, while in other cases, teachers had their own personal preferences.
My Personal Experience: Favoritism
As for me, I mostly leaned into the category of favoritism. There were a few instances where seniors didn't like me and made some unnecessary verbal comments, but for the most part, I managed to maximize my outcomes.
Self-Esteem and Perception
Everyone doesn't have to like me. The real question is: Do I like me? I’ve learned that adversity can actually be beneficial, and that’s something those who tried to bring me down did not understand.
Changing My Mindset
When I reflect on my time at boarding school, I’ve decided to change the way I interpret what happened. This is not because I want to distance myself from the negative experiences, but because I refuse to adopt a victim mindset. Such a mindset can hinder personal growth, and I do not subscribe to it.
Reframing the Experience
I acknowledge that I can't change what happened, but it is my responsibility, as Ms. Shallon Lester says, to "reframe and change what it means." Instead of focusing on the bad, I choose to reflect on the positives that arose from being a "favorite."
Bullying Dynamics
According to Ms. Shallon Lester, "bullies prey on people who they think will be easy targets." Bullies look for individuals who won’t question their behavior and who won’t turn their treatment into an opportunity for future success.
Example from My Past: Fat-Shaming
When I was in 7th grade, an 8th grader called me “fat.” This was meant to reduce my self-esteem. However, I didn’t allow it to define me. I reported the incident to someone who spoke to the 8th grader, and the comment wasn’t repeated. Looking back, I recognize that I could have benefited from learning about portion control, but that should have been something I chose to do on my own terms, not due to someone else’s projection.
Handling Bullying Strategically
If you find yourself in a position where someone is using their seniority to intimidate you, your response should be strategic. Showing perceived weakness will not benefit you. Here are a few strategies to consider:
01. Build Your Confidence
Give off the perception that you think of yourself in a higher regard by doing things that will give you confidence such as completing one large task on your to- do list.
02. Dress with Purpose
Your appearance can influence how others perceive you. Make sure you present yourself in a way that shows you’re not to be messed with.
03. Call Out Unproductive Behavior
Occasionally, you may need to make an example of someone by publicly calling them out on their behavior. This lets others know you're not an easy target.
Navigating Power Dynamics
Lastly, remember that there is always someone higher in the power chain. Get acquainted with them and use that resource as needed. Having allies in powerful positions can be invaluable when handling difficult situations.
Conclusion
Bullying and favoritism are realities of life, but how we respond to them is in our control. Focus on maintaining your confidence, using strategic responses, and aligning yourself with power where necessary. With this mindset, you can rise above challenges and shape your experiences for future success.
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