Dear Only Child,
If you’re anything like me, you like to observe and gather all the facts before stating your opinion on a specific topic. You know, for accuracy purposes! I do this because it helps me ensure my sources are correct, my citations are in alphabetical order, and I avoid that confused look of, "When did I say that?"
HOWEVER, sometimes it’s self-evident that the act done to you or someone you care about is unjust. In these moments, the time to speak up is right then and there. Truth be told, I struggle with this because I love to gather my facts first. I like to have a solid reason for why I’m raising my voice in the first place.
Have you ever been in a room full of people who speak without giving any consideration as to why they were asked to speak or if they even needed to? I KNOW! I can relate too. 😊😊 While I don’t always agree with how this is carried out, I do understand the motive—they’re letting everyone know they refuse to be overlooked. So, I actually commend it… sometimes.
Example 1:
I acknowledge that sometimes professors don’t have the time after class to answer my questions because of their busy schedules. So, it’s now or never—either I ask in class or go back to my dorm uncertain. That’s why I sit at the front. I don’t want to yell my questions. My voice is naturally low, and I don’t enjoy raising it when what I have to say can be communicated softly.
Example 2:
Dear only child, don’t let them skip you in line. As simple as it sounds, I’ve allowed people to skip me in line just because I didn’t want to stir up “trouble.” But the truth is, you have things to do too.
Why is this important? First, it’s about principle. You came first, and you did your time waiting for help. Secondly, when people intentionally skip you, they’re sending a message that you don’t matter or that you don’t exist—and you DO matter, and you DO exist!
At Grinnell, we often discussed what it means to be invisible as a Black individual in America. It left me with questions. When someone skips me in line, are they indirectly reinforcing the behavior of those who have denied us rights for centuries? Is it an ego thing? Do they believe their time is more important than mine? I believe it’s all of the above and more.
The bottom line is this: the underlying reason is good to know but actually irrelevant. You are important because you are a person. You breathe, sleep, and do many things that lower animals can’t. Regardless of your identity, you were blessed with a voice, and no one will advocate for you better than you. I was reminded of this at Target the other day when a man cut in front of me in line. It was undeniable that I was first—I was standing at the designated spot. His wife even pointed out, “Noooo, she was here first,” but only after I spoke up. Sometimes, you just have to check people.
One More Thing...
Asking for clarification when you interpret a situation differently isn’t being extra. I say this as someone who likes to mind their business most of the time (lol). If you don’t speak, I don’t ask. But here’s the problem: humans are social beings. Actions speak louder than words. If I’m in an environment that promotes curiosity and communication, but I feel hostility because I asked a question, and then I’m written up for misconduct? 👀👀
Did I leave you hanging? Well, make sure to check out my YouTube channel (modish_ye) to hear the full “raise your voice” story!
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